Speak so others want to listen.

• Annoyed my boyfriend didn’t wanna pull the trigger on booking our cruise and it went up $20 per person and theres only interior cabins left.
• Annoyed my Kaepernick jersey is on backorder and I may not even get it till the day after the superbowl. 
• Annoyed I ate McDonalds at midnight last night and I feel like all the water has been sucked from my body.
• Do not regret my double cheeseburger because that shit was so fucking delicious.
• Feb 1 I’m gunna start running again because eating right is helping, but not enough.
• I want to start myself doing something new physically every month. IE: January 1 I started eating better. February 1 I’m gunna start running again. March 1 I’m gunna start doing squats daily. We’ll see where the rest goes.
• I just remembered I have work later and I really don’t want to freaking go but I obvs have to. Grrrrr.
• It’s already 1030 and all I’ve had is coffee so I need to eat something, stat.

i think i’m gunna stay away from tumblr today because this politics bull shit isn’t healthy for me.

so i’m gunna watch HIMYM, Partners, shower, vote, get coffee, shop, and then go on a day date with my boyfriend.

seeeeeeey’all.

• woo my credit score went up 12 points this month. need to raise it 30+ more points by the end of the year! 
• this week i’m gunna try to dress nicely every day. no yoga pants/sneakers days. 
• it’s mine & B’s 2.5 year anniversary on the 5th (:
• work is gunna be such a pain in the ass today. but, it’s a good time to actually get some of my homework done so tomorrow morning it won’t be AS MUCH of a hassle.
• i’ve been creeping on people’s amazon wishlists (mine) so please send me yours! i wanna buy people things when i get more money! 
• i can’t wait for my nail polishes from Natalie to come<3
• i died my hair yesterday and it’s not really a difference from the color it was so i need to buy a darker color this week!
• i’m really excited to go out for HH/dinner with my bestfriend on wednesday night because i desperately need to talk to her.

true love

This weekend will be super bittersweet. After I drop my boyf off to work at 6am tomorrow, I won’t see him till ~6 monday night ): Everyone is telling me to relax and to stop being a baby about it, but when you sleep/wake up next to someone 7 days a week, it’s really uncomfortable and annoying when you don’t, even if it’s just for a night or two. Especially cos I’m so close with B that i feel like I’m missing my other half! 

So that’s the bitter part.

The sweet part is that tomorrow night I’m going out with my girls and not giving a fuck about anyone else. Honestlyyyy. It’s gunna be so good to be out partying with my girls cos we literally haven’t done that for YEARS. And I love them dearly.

Anyways…. I hope tomorrow night lasts a long time, and sunday/monday go by quick! hahah

After eating bacon wrapped hot dogs for dinner…. I’ve decided I’m really going to get back on track with getting fit.

And I’m gunna drag my boyf along for the ride.

We always say “oh my god we’re so fat, we need to diet, we need to work out, we need to eat better”

And yet we don’t.

So, starting tomorrow… We’re getting back on track. To get back to our weights when we first got together (literally 80 lbs for each of us we gained over the last 2 and a half years).

I’m sick of us not liking how we look, so it’s time to get active and change it.

Plus, next year for our 3years/celebrating my graduation we’re gunna go to Hawaii, and I want to look good on the beach (;

I’m extremely disappointed that no one in my boyfriend’s family reached out to me when my cousin passed away.  I’m friends with a few of his cousins and 2 of his aunts on facebook, and one of his aunt’s on instagram (the rest of his cousins blocked me cos they hate me now.). Anyways, it’s not like they didn’t know. One of his aunts told my boyfriend’s mom, but she didn’t reach out to me. It just kinda sucks. Whether we talk or not, whether you like me or not, I’m dating your nephew/cousin and there was a loss in my life, acknowledge it.  I don’t know. It’s just kind of like a wake up call.

Although I never had the pleasure of meeting you, I can feel what an amazing woman you were. You helped raise my boyfriend into the amazing man that he is today, and I thank you for that. You inspired my boyfriend’s mom is amazing ways and brought happiness to her life. She in turn has brought happiness to mine.

I am so sorry of all the awful things you’ve felt and had to deal with, but you’re in rest now. You no longer have to deal with the greed of the world, the heartache, and the limitations of your own body. Your faith carries you now.

You have touched so many peoples lives, and I got to meet them yesterday. You have touched my life.

May your soul rest in peace, and your legacy and love live on through those whom can do it justice.

So what if I’m not a size 5

and there’s no gap between my thighs,

So caught up and beaten by the lies

the media tries to convince me is the truth.

And shit is so much different than back then,

when we were little on the play ground

dreaming of the prince charming.

Are all men as screwed up as Don Draper on Mad Men?

Screwing, lying, cheating to make it to the top

It seems second nature to be the best you gotta out run the rest

Little girls and boys are getting socialized

in a world that tells you whats between your legs is more important

than any goals and aspirations.

Housewives have been broken and battered,

I’ve seen lives destroyed by violence,

Whole worlds shattered.

Don’t tell me their lives never mattered.

Did she deserve to be treated like a dog?

And did he deserve to lose his life and be swept away in the fog?

I’ll tell you where society went wrong

When being who you are doesn’t matter,

when twenty-somethings can’t even believe that it gets better.

Bullies running the school yard,

when we were kids was life this hard?

They say it takes the faith of a mustard seed to move mountains,

So I refuse to sell myself short,

Or allow the little voices to be out heard

There’s no time for fussing and fighting,

When we live in a world when time is money.

I have dreams of a better place,

when life isn’t so fast paced

and money equals money,

and time equals time,

and I’ll have enough to spend on living my own life.

I got new jeans last weekend in the size i’ve been wearing (I got the Rockstar Jeans from ON, my favorite!!!!!) The store was busy & I was in a rush so I just got the same size & i was like k whateverrrrrr. & Then today my boyfriend was like

are you ever going to get new jeans? those are hella loose on you. 

and i was like <3kiloveyou i need to get smaller jeans!!! FINALLY.

I’ve lost almost 30 pounds & i haven’t felt like i needed new jeans. I was looking at myself in them after he said that and I was like BY GOLLY, HE’S RIGHT.

Hi kids! I started summer school today, needless to say I wasn’t toooo excited for it. I’m a college senior… Remind me WHY its a requirement to take a “performance” class?

Anywho, it’s Introduction to Oral Interpretation of Literature. Sounds exciting, huh? I was super nervous I wasn’t going to know anyone in class but my friend Ron is in it! & His friend Derrick. So, that’s always good. I won’t be alone! Which is really important for me. My teacher is really cool, she used to work at Disney World! 

Today we had to get into groups of 5 and we had 20 mins to prepare a performance for the class and follow all these guidelines and I envisioned ours going super down hill quick, and we ended up winging it because another group before us did a similar thing. But the class really enjoyed it! And it was cool cos i really took a risk and made a fool of myself in front of the class (we did a congo line….. really.) and I wasn’t even nervous (:

On Thursday we have to do a 2 minute presentation of a performance we did that changed us. I’m probably going to do the first time that I did a spoken word performance (from back in like 2005!) So I need to find one of my old poems to do.

5 weeks, 5 hours a day, 2 days a week….. Lets gooooo!

at work, my boyfriend got me mcdonalds cos he was hungry and i always get mad when he gets food and doesn’t get me any. I was like thanksiguess? He got me a 4 pc chicken mcnuggets and a small fries (BTW, i thought small fries came in the little paper bag”??!?!?! apparently not. its like 10x that.) My fist chicken nugget fell on the floor, so I only had 3. And then I had like 15 fries and was like OKAY THAT FILLED MY CRAVING. and dumped it. 

I told him that any time he wants to buy me junk food, just buy me flowers instead!

I was really in a bad mood last night but woke up in a okay/decent mood today. & Then later remembered why I was such in a bad mood last night when I was going to drop my boyfriend off at work. So on the way home after dropping him off I KNEW I was going to need to get a workout in (I worked out only 2x last week! Uhg). So when I got to the trail I was like you know what, fuck this noise So I just turned up my music & pushed myself into gear. I let my anger & frustrations drive me. I pushed myself. I ran more than I have before, and I walked faster than I usually do. I increased my speed by .3 miles. Okay that’s not a lot, but I went from an average 3.3 miles per hour, to a 3.6 miles per hour.

I’m still kind of annoyed at things, but I’ll get over it. 

Anyways, I gotta get ready for work ,it’s gunna be a long night (work 3-1130, yuck!) So leave me messages & nice things<3

29 days until VEGAS!! My goal is to lose 10 more pounds by then. Honestly, I’d even be happy with losing 8 (which is probs more realistic). I’m horrible for not working out today—work was KILLER. I spent 4 hours running back & forth at my store (so that counts, right?) 

Anyways. Gunna start working out 6x a week NO EXCUSES. I really need to get this shit into gear.

Have a lovely month everyone<3 I hope you’re all one step closer to your goals! Health wise, education wise, relationship wise, whatever way<3

Boyfriend called and said after he gets off work his cousin is gunna pick him up and they’re gunna go visit their Grandma Mercedes cos she’s in the hospital and not doing well :/ and then he’s gunna stay the night in Sacramento at his aunt’s house and come home tomorrow. Kinda bummed :/ I don’t like when he’s away, lol. But I’m working till 1130 tonight and then work 11-8 tomorrow so at least I’ll be busy and stuffffff so it’ll be okay.